Maleficarum (2011 Bolivia)

Here we slip into one man’s trash maybe another man’s pleasure territory. I’ll try (and fail) to be respectable for this one…The technical quality of the cinematography, and the authenticity of the sets and costumes gives this film a definite sense of “big budget theatrical release,” which is completely unexpected for a product in this genre. Particularly one made on a stated budget of only $105,000.The name of the film is an obvious reference to The Malleus Maleficarum, also known as the witches’ hammer – which is a guide on how to prosecute witches. It was written in 1486 by Heinrich Kramer, a German Catholic clergyman, and it describes the process of how to interrogate and extract a confession from a witch, its proposed methods include horrible and savage tortures in order to get a confession. [Read more…]

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Holy Smoke (1999 Australia)

The bad news: That filthy old lecher Harvey Keitel is naked. A lot. (I thought I was in hell enduring root canal surgery when this was happening…telling myself this can’t be happening!) Now the good news: So is Kate Winslet. So don’t get me wrong, there is much to see that might arouse a smile in this motion picture. But if you are looking for any redeeming value, enjoyment or creativity, then don’t waste two hours out of your life on this crap fest. Despite commendable acting from the film’s main actress, Harvey Keitel looks embarrassingly like an amateur in a high school drama. Quite strange considering she was only 23 and he was a whopping 60. In fact, why don’t I just shine a light on many of the problems and just plain perversity contained within this flick from the land down under? [Read more…]

Stripes (1981 USA)

Psycho: “The name’s Francis Sawyer, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I’ll kill you.” Leon: “Ooooooh.” Psycho: “You just made the list, buddy. Also, I don’t like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meathooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I’ll kill you. And I don’t like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me, and I’ll kill you.” Sergeant Hulka: “Lighten up, Francis.” The movie is basically trying to make the Army the way Police Academy made the Police look. Dumb and unbelievable. The plot is shabby, the characters are thin and of course guys love this flick. A nude woman within the first few minutes of the film. Two scenes involving multiple nude women. Bikini mud wrestling. The DVD even throws in even more gratuitous nudity than the original contained. [Read more…]

Deadly Weapons (1974 USA)

deadly_weapons_chesty_morganWritten, directed, and produced by the pseudo-pornographic pioneer Doris Wishman, she was a leading figure in soft-core porn/exploitation flicks during the 1960s/70’s. She helped to fill the local ‘grind house’ cinemas with such fare as Keyholes Are For Peeping and Nude on the Moon where astronauts traveling to the moon are surprised to discover nudists are living up there. But she is most notorious for creating this dilapidated freak show about a woman who uses the only two weapons she has to hit back at the men who killed her husband. [Read more…]

Confessions From A Holiday Camp (1977 UK)

confessions from a holiday campTwas the first day of August, a Monday I believe, when a momentous event in the annals of cinematic history took place. The Confessions film series bid a fond farewell to the public. Knickers down, trousers unzipped, so tawdry and gleefully smutty, on display for one final glorious outpouring. This was a franchise with a bigger box office than James Bond in England. Surely it had to give something worthwhile to the viewer? Apart from VD. [Read more…]

The Vampire Lovers (1970 UK)

Ingrid Pitt 1970 (2)In Australia this movie ran continuously for at least 5 years at the same theatre, so popular was this Hammer classic. The Vampire Lovers is a classic tale of good versus evil, the way vampire films should be, with the vampire as a soulless and selfish creature with no humanity left in it. The modern idea of the suffering humanistic vampire decrying the pain of immortality is somewhat embarrassing. Another ridiculously overused modern device is vampirism as an infectious disease. We’ll have none of that here! [Read more…]

Black Sails (USA) 2014/15/16

black-sails-season-2I’ve watched the first two seasons and have seen no drop off in terms of episode quality; if anything the script, character development, and pacing have gotten stronger with each show. There are thrills, spills and wenching (even a brothel) on display. This series has captured my eye and drawn me into its world. It must be commended for not trying to do too much in terms of the budget. The sets, costumes, and especially the ships transform the screen into a window of 18th century Caribbean life, and the realism is a big plus for the show. [Read more…]

Porky’s (Canada/USA 1981)

porkysI am really scraping at the bottom of the barrel here. For some sorry souls Bob Clark’s smutty box office smash still qualifies as nostalgia. This review does not have to hurt too much. You can always apply something to numb your eyes. I hope any pain may turn into some pleasure.  If you could at least smile while reading this, that would be awesome. [Read more…]

SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959 United States)

Marilyn-Monroe-As-Sugar-Kane-Kowalczyk-In-Some-Like-It-HotIf you’ve never seen it, it’s going to feel like something you’ve seen a hundred times before. And you probably have, but it was done here first. To be successful, two guys dress up as women, and then one falls for a real woman (Marilyn Monroe) — so how does he tell her without her hating him for keeping the secret? [Read more…]

THE OMEGA MAN (1971 USA)

the_Omega_Man_02What we have right here is a prime sampling of Charlton Heston’s 1970s renaissance.The man. In all his ageing, fading glory. The Omega Man is his best flick,  even surpassing “Planet of the Apes”. No one can do a last-martyr-on-earth number like Chuck. But Heston is also a ham. People tend to either love him or hate him. [Read more…]

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