Prison Girls (1972 USA)

A bunch of female inmates get a weekend pass from St Helena prison. These jail birds are supposed to go out into the real world to secure jobs for when they are released. But they prefer tracking down their husbands and boyfriends to get it on. If you don’t mind the stench of some slightly grainy, slightly unclean cinematography on display then you may enjoy one of the greatest ever shower scenes to be put on celluloid. After Norman Bates and Marion Crane’s one of course. Anyway, how can I be rude about a flick that kicks off with a six-way (count em) cat fight? The 94 minutes pass like three hours but I can forgive that. We’re talking broads who are buck nekkid here so obviously this post is NSFW. (Just kidding)
[Read more…]

Advertisements

Lust For A Vampire (1971 United Kingdom)

This has one of the most ludicrous plots ever: a girl’s finishing school is positioned next door to notorious vampire haven, Karnstein Castle, like some heaven sent butcher’s shop. For it to succeed as a sensual erotic horror, Lust For A Vampire required a far more nuanced approach than an inexperienced director like Jimmy Sangster (despite being a talented and prolific writer) was able to give. Sangster’s approach was to ladle on the Gothic silliness in the opening scenes, relying on the frequent female nudity to distract viewers from the script’s sillier aspects. Plus lifting his visual flair from the continental horror directors of that era.
[Read more…]

Monella (1998 Italy)

The uncut and uncensored Italian version of Frivolous Lola (if you prefer it in English) was another classic Tinto Brass soft-core erotic comedic-drama that possessed a light-heartedness that only Brass can achieve so effortlessly. Grubby and tedious as this all is, there is a certain panache in the way it has been constructed. It looks beautiful, like the scenes set in Sicily in The Godfather, it has that same woozy, sultry sensibility. A veneer of quality that the film may not deserve, like a Caravaggio painting with a cock crudely drawn on it. If the best scene in a film is a woman urinating in the rain, should it be considered a failure? Not really. NSFW… [Read more…]

Holy Smoke (1999 Australia)

The bad news: That filthy old lecher Harvey Keitel is naked. A lot. (I thought I was in hell enduring root canal surgery when this was happening…telling myself this can’t be happening!) Now the good news: So is Kate Winslet. So don’t get me wrong, there is much to see that might arouse a smile in this motion picture. But if you are looking for any redeeming value, enjoyment or creativity, then don’t waste two hours out of your life on this crap fest. Despite commendable acting from the film’s main actress, Harvey Keitel looks embarrassingly like an amateur in a high school drama. Quite strange considering she was only 23 and he was a whopping 60. In fact, why don’t I just shine a light on many of the problems and just plain perversity contained within this flick from the land down under? [Read more…]

Stripes (1981 USA)

Psycho: “The name’s Francis Sawyer, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I’ll kill you.” Leon: “Ooooooh.” Psycho: “You just made the list, buddy. Also, I don’t like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meathooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I’ll kill you. And I don’t like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me, and I’ll kill you.” Sergeant Hulka: “Lighten up, Francis.” The movie is basically trying to make the Army the way Police Academy made the Police look. Dumb and unbelievable. The plot is shabby, the characters are thin and of course guys love this flick. A nude woman within the first few minutes of the film. Two scenes involving multiple nude women. Bikini mud wrestling. The DVD even throws in even more gratuitous nudity than the original contained. [Read more…]

Deadly Weapons (1974 USA)

deadly_weapons_chesty_morganWritten, directed, and produced by the pseudo-pornographic pioneer Doris Wishman, she was a leading figure in soft-core porn/exploitation flicks during the 1960s/70’s. She helped to fill the local ‘grind house’ cinemas with such fare as Keyholes Are For Peeping and Nude on the Moon where astronauts traveling to the moon are surprised to discover nudists are living up there. But she is most notorious for creating this dilapidated freak show about a woman who uses the only two weapons she has to hit back at the men who killed her husband. [Read more…]

Confessions From A Holiday Camp (1977 UK)

confessions from a holiday campTwas the first day of August, a Monday I believe, when a momentous event in the annals of cinematic history took place. The Confessions film series bid a fond farewell to the public. Knickers down, trousers unzipped, so tawdry and gleefully smutty, on display for one final glorious outpouring. This was a franchise with a bigger box office than James Bond in England. Surely it had to give something worthwhile to the viewer? Apart from VD. [Read more…]

The Vampire Lovers (1970 UK)

Ingrid Pitt 1970 (2)In Australia this movie ran continuously for at least 5 years at the same theatre, so popular was this Hammer classic. The Vampire Lovers is a classic tale of good versus evil, the way vampire films should be, with the vampire as a soulless and selfish creature with no humanity left in it. The modern idea of the suffering humanistic vampire decrying the pain of immortality is somewhat embarrassing. Another ridiculously overused modern device is vampirism as an infectious disease. We’ll have none of that here! [Read more…]

Black Sails (USA) 2014/15/16

black-sails-season-2I’ve watched the first two seasons and have seen no drop off in terms of episode quality; if anything the script, character development, and pacing have gotten stronger with each show. There are thrills, spills and wenching (even a brothel) on display. This series has captured my eye and drawn me into its world. It must be commended for not trying to do too much in terms of the budget. The sets, costumes, and especially the ships transform the screen into a window of 18th century Caribbean life, and the realism is a big plus for the show. [Read more…]

Porky’s (Canada/USA 1981)

porkysI am really scraping at the bottom of the barrel here. For some sorry souls Bob Clark’s smutty box office smash still qualifies as nostalgia. This review does not have to hurt too much. You can always apply something to numb your eyes. I hope any pain may turn into some pleasure.  If you could at least smile while reading this, that would be awesome. [Read more…]

%d bloggers like this: