Pulp Fiction (1994 USA)

PF is sick slop geared towards video store geeks. Why is this flick so bad? Its like asking why is Barbra Streisand so ugly? She just is. Pulp Fiction, similarly, is a byword for cheap, profane nastiness. Watching this causes your brain to shut off for two and a half hours while a man with a God complex strokes his ego. I can understand to some extent why it is so popular. And as for padding Quentin did achieve something remarkable: every awful stretch of dialogue is dragged out as long as it will last, and then some. It’s as if Tarantino said to himself “I think I can cram two more f words and one more line about milkshakes in here”. [Read more…]

Wonder Woman (2017 USA)

Mainstream films get dumber, louder and tackier all the time, and they substitute mawkishness for real emotion and character development. Banned in Lebanon, but to really do it justice this pile of crap should be banned everywhere! WW is really the same as every other cartoonish, overblown comic-book action flick, except with a female protagonist. Actually, this is worse than the average comic book movie, because it preaches to the audience about pacifism but then hypocritically celebrates “heroic” violence. In other words: Wonder Woman is an alleged pacifist who enjoys killing lots of  people. But wait!, all is not lost, WW delivers on three things – lots of slow mo, dodgy special effects, and painful clichés. [Read more…]

Carnal Knowledge (1971 USA)

Bobbie: “The reason I sleep all day is because I can’t stand my life!”

Jonathon: “What life?!”

Bobbie: “Sleeping all day!…I need a life.”

Jonathon: “Get a job!”

Bobbie: “I don’t want a job. I want you.”

Jonathon: “I’m taken, by me! Get out of the house, do something useful, Goddammit.” There are some real funny one liners if you can stay awake. Carnal Knowledge, directed by Mike Nichols, from a script by cartoonist Jules Feiffer, is a dud without a single likable or really interesting character. Nichols’ film is a series of cartoon panels with no sense of any life surrounding the characters. Nichols appears to have been influenced by the films of Bergman and Antonioni though he lacks their brilliance. His reach exceeded his grasp. The result is an attempt at what was hoped to be a genre that never materialized: American art cinema. [Read more…]

Disclosure (1994 USA)

Plot: A computer specialist is sued for sexual harassment by a former lover-turned boss which threatens his career and personal life. His marriage. His future. It’s all on the line for DigiCom executive Tom Sanders. He rejects the passionate advance of his new boss, leading to him being charged with sexual harassment. Suddenly, long-time company man Tom must scramble for his corporate life – a scramble that will lead him into the dazzling cyberworld of DigiCom’s new virtual reality corridor…and lay bare a shocking conspiracy among key company personnel. Just show us the pictures do I hear ye cry? (Don’t worry, I will) [Read more…]

Philadelphia (1993 USA)

Andrew’s father: “We’re incredibly proud of you.” Andrew’s mother: “You get in there and you fight for your rights.” Andrew: “Gee, I love you guys.” This piece of Hollywood trash made limousine liberals feel good about themselves as they virtue signalled to each other from their seats without getting too close to the messy reality this tale should tell. They decided to wear a prophylactic instead of giving it to us au naturel.  And as for Tom Hanks playing a gay man (Andrew) well, he had no idea what he was doing. Denzel Washington should have been the homosexual. With his Freddie Mercury moustache, he certainly looks the part.  [Read more…]

Jurassic Park III (USA 2001)

jurassic_park_3_3“Jurassic Park III”, is essentially different from the first two. “Jurassic Park III” is a B-movie that has essentially dropped the dreadful exposition that we knew all too well in the first and even the second one. (Those precocious kids that Hollywood loves to include in so many flicks drove me up the wall, thus reducing my enjoyment) This time around it draws on old-fashioned suspense with our troubled heroes on the run. Plus it introduces new creatures. But it does fail in the department of character development, and the ending is too abrupt. However, among the highlights are some nifty parasailing scenes thrown in to the mix.
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Zoltan, Hound Of Dracula (USA/Italy 1978)

zoltanI don’t recommend this but I’m feeling generous to old B pictures that have been mostly forgotten. They need some love too. Title also known as Dracula’s Dog, “Zoltan, Hound Of Dracula” is really something quite unique. Much of it is shot in bright, sunny open countryside, a setting which tends not to lend itself very well to the horror genre, although to be fair most of this picture’s suspense scenes are reserved for the night-time sequences. [Read more…]

The Deer Hunter (1978 USA)

Deer HunterThis is a little overlong and it could easily have lost 30 minutes (although not all from one place) to give it a tighter feel. Some scenes feel stretched beyond their useful duration leading to the feel that the film wanted to be 3 hours long, rather than being cut back to 3 hours long. Despite this though I still think this is a good film that is a powerful story at it’s heart. Just don’t think it would make it into my Top 50, if I could be bothered making one. [Read more…]

I Bury The Living (1958 USA)

I Bury The Living 1958The title alone scores points for chutzpah. Through a series of macabre “coincidences”, the newly-elected director of a cemetery, Robert Kraft (Richard Boone) begins to believe that he can cause the deaths of living owners of burial plots by merely changing the push-pin colour from white (living) to black (dead) on a large wall map of the cemetery that notes those plots. So we have a nice simple story line. Not too confusing. Good. What else is here? [Read more…]

The Getaway (1972 USA)

getaway72sm-cl1b-jktSick and tired of new releases I can’t get through 45 minutes of, I went back to this classic. What a breath of fresh air this heist/chase film turned out to be. At two hours and three minutes, it’s remarkably well paced and tension filled – it never falters. One of the many things that gives 1972’s The Getaway the edge over its now almost-forgotten 1994 remake is that, unlike Alec Baldwin, Steve McQueen doesn’t act like a movie star – he is a movie star. From the days when cool was what you were, not what you wore or owned. [Read more…]

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