Titanic II (2010 USA)

It sinks again? Maybe vessels this size should not be named Titanic. Just a thought. This was written by Shane Van Dyke – whoever he is. It was also directed by Shane Van Dyke. By a funny coincidence Mr Van Dyke also helps himself to the lead actor’s role as well. I guess he just wanted to keep things real. He’s certainly no James Cameron. And when you consider how mediocre Cameron is then there lies the indictment. Titanic II starts exactly one hundred years after the launch & sinking of the original Titanic in 1912. In 2012 a new luxury cruise liner christened the Titanic II is about to set sail on her maiden voyage across the Atlantic. From silicone breasts to even a toothless black guy, this disaster has nothing going for it.

In Greenland a huge ice glacier has fallen apart and a huge tsunami caused by the huge iceberg crashing into the Ocean smashes straight into the Titanic II after it’s engines blow. Rapidly sinking, badly damaged and with an even bigger tsunami on it’s way the Titanic II and all those aboard look doomed to suffer the same fate as the previous Titanic one hundred years before. Classy stuff….I have added this to it is so bad it’s good collection. Hardly a guilty pleasure though. Yes, I feel guilty for watching it. But pleasure? No. And why anybody in their right mind would take a trip on a ship called the Titanic 2, God only knows. I knew we were in trouble when I saw exactly 9 people at the dock waving the people on the ship Bon Voyage, and there was only 20 people on the ship and most of them were employees.

Of the passengers it looked like they rounded up about fifteen people from the local supermarket to do extra shots. Then we have the Statue of Liberty as a back shot when the ship is leaving a port that is clearly not New York. The rooms on the ship look like something you find in a doctor’s surgery. I understand it was the Queen Mary. I always thought that was suppose to be a nice ship but it looked pretty shabby to me. It looked like they had some interesting scenes underwater involving a submarine but the lighting was so bad I could hardly make out what was happening. Then we had endless scenes of the 12 passengers dying in various places. And the daughter and her boyfriend, who happens to own the ship, escaping. We assume he is an awful jerk but he turns out to be a nice guy– which makes it worse. At least he could have been a weasel and we could have been hoping for his death.

The writer/director (Shane Van Dick) can’t help himself in the starring role of playboy/millionaire /genius/hero and it is such a cry for help. The roles he gave himself is nothing short of small penis syndrome. He plays a complete narcissist throughout and every scene is about how great he is. I don’t know who he is trying to impress with this crap, but its embarrassingly obvious he wants someone to think he is a God or something, when I suspect that he is just spending daddy’s money or riding on someone else’s coat tails. Five minutes or so into this masterpiece and the camera zooms in on the rear end of a woman. It seems that she is one of two nurses on board. But no one sees a doctor. You don’t need a doctor when they can patch up serious neck wounds with a credit card. To sum up then? Titanic II stinks.

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