George Costanza

(Just a few of my favourite quotes…) Fireman: How do you live with yourself?  George: It’s not easy.  Jerry: House in the Hamptons?  George: Well, you know, I’ve been lying about my income for a few years; I figured I could afford a fake house in the Hamptons.

***

Jerry: What is that song?
George: Oh, it’s from Les Miserables. I went to see it last week. I can’t get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I’m singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it in front of clients. It’s taking over my life.
Jerry: You know, Schumann went mad from that.
George: Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?

***

George: But I really want to leave my mark this time. Like remember that summer at Dairy Queen when I cooled my feet in the soft serve?
Jerry: So you want to go out in a final blaze of incompetence?
George: Flame on.

***

Tor Eckman: What month were you born?
George: April.
Tor Eckman: You should have been born in August.

***

Ken: How about Joan?
George: Aw c’mon, I’m eating here.
Susan Biddle Ross: George!
Carrie: Pamela?
George: Pamela? Awright, I tell you what. You look like nice people, I’m gonna help you out. You want a beautiful name? Soda.
Ken: What?
George: Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.
Carrie: I don’t know, it sounds a little strange.
George: All names sound strange the first time you hear ’em. What, are you telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they heard it?

***

George Costanza: I ate that entire platter. Had to call in sick today.
Jerry: Didn’t you call in sick yesterday?
George Costanza: Hey, I work for Kruger Industrial Smoothing, we don’t care… and it shows.

***

George Costanza: And to think I’d fail at failing…
Jerry: Aw, come on, now.
George Costanza: I feel like I cant do anything wrong.
Jerry: Nonsense. You do everything wrong.
George Costanza: You think so?
Jerry: Absolutely. I have no confidence in you.
George Costanza: Well, I guess I’ll just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again.
Jerry: That’s the spirit. You suck.

***

George: I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come form a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter… I was raised to give up.

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Comments

  1. I love it! George Costanza is my spirit animal ha ha! 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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