Vogue (Madonna)

I am not a Madonna fan. Her hedonistic egomania is unpleasant. The majority of her music has never satisfied me either but I love this track. She hit the G spot with this one! I feel like I’ve died and gone to some insane fashion extravaganza in New York. Mostly because of that galloping, quivering, descending bass riff. The name-dropping lyrics are a poseur’s dream…

Stripes (1981 USA)

Psycho: “The name’s Francis Sawyer, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I’ll kill you.” Leon: “Ooooooh.” Psycho: “You just made the list, buddy. Also, I don’t like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meathooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I’ll kill you. And I don’t like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me, and I’ll kill you.” Sergeant Hulka: “Lighten up, Francis.” The movie is basically trying to make the Army the way Police Academy made the Police look. Dumb and unbelievable. The plot is shabby, the characters are thin and of course guys love this flick. A nude woman within the first few minutes of the film. Two scenes involving multiple nude women. Bikini mud wrestling. The DVD even throws in even more gratuitous nudity than the original contained. [Read more…]

Shahs Of Sunset (2012–2016 USA)

Yet another “reality” TV show which applies the usual formula — identify an ethnic community’s most ridiculous characters, inviting ridicule — this time its L.A.’s Persian-American population on the griddle. The title itself seems like a particularly cheap shot at a community that, for better or for worse, is still struggling to come to terms with a revolution that happened four decades ago. “Shah” is the term for the king of Iran, a monarchy which fell in 1979 to today’s Islamic Republic. The Iranian-American community in Los Angeles was founded by those who immigrated to America as a result of that monarchy’s collapse. [Read more…]

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999 USA)

This is really a love story for anyone who imagines being whisked away from the mundane into places that you’ve only read or heard about in glossy magazines. It’s a film for any person out there who’d like to have the freedom to do what they want and damn the consequences. Well, either that or have enough money to do anything, then disappear. The Thomas Crown Affair is a world where time means nothing, and money is just, well, not an issue. Its only numbers! This is my kind of motion picture. I feel it was made just for me. I probably would have sold my grandmother for the price of an admission ticket. Its that yummy & delicious. [Read more…]

The Gauntlet (1977 USA)

This motion picture gets a bad rap for it’s implausible story line and outrageous shoot outs, but if you’re in the mood for that sort of thing, it’s a hard one to top. For the sixth time Clint Eastwood does his civic duty as the film’s director and leading man, here sharing the screen with live-in companion Sondra Locke. (This was before a real life drama where he changed the locks on the house they shared when she was away–years after this) The pasty Locke always struck me as a good looking woman, but only if you caught her at just the right angle. [Read more…]

The Lady In The Lake (Raymond Chandler)

Raymond Chandler is not only one of the finest writers in the English language: he’s the gold standard for detective fiction. But sometimes when I read him I wish he could have found a way to break out of the formula and really let his imagination loose—let all the poetry and over-too-soon bit parts fill the page. He seems more interested in everything else than the so-called plot. On the other hand, maybe he hit it just right. The weirdness that is so compelling on the periphery of his writing might fall apart under the harsh light of center stage. Chandler’s passing-glance encounters always have the quality of real, observed life. One of the least fussy writers who ever lived, his descriptions are effortlessly evocative. [Read more…]

Cotton Mary (1999 France/UK/USA)

greta-scacchi-cotton-mary-celebrity-posing-hot-topless-nude-4(This post is dedicated to the shamelesscelebrities website) Lead actress on display, Greta Scacchi, although an introverted performer verbally, certainly qualifies as a shameless celebrity. Not that I’m complaining, but throughout the 1980s and 90s she could usually be relied upon to “get em out.” That’s what directors demanded of her and she never let them down. Despite some of the arty productions she appeared in, her nubile body became her calling card. And fortune. Since then Kate Winslet has carried on the mantle of an actress whom we lucky viewers get to see as much of as her gynaecologist does. When these type of actresses get older they usually keep their clothes on and decry their earlier birthday suit sagas as examples of male directors “oppressing” them mixed with naiveté . Yeah, right.  [Read more…]

The Good The Bad And The Ugly (1966 Italy)

Proof that the simplest ideas are the best ones. The plot is fairly simple: three men try to reach a buried fortune of Army gold coins while the American Civil War erupts around them. The story is even simpler and yet the audience gets wrapped around in it and those 180 minutes just seem to whip by so fast that when it does end, we’re craving for more. The film is also evidence that the Western cannot be a dying genre, for this landmark film from Italian director Sergio Leone has aged like wine. Time has done nothing to varnish its style and authority. Spaghetti Westerns, which are low in budget and oftentimes flamboyant and over-the-top, can be art too. I urge women to give this a watch too. It will put hairs on their chest. Its hypnotic. It’s operatic. It’s sad. It’s funny. It’s gritty. Its the Psycho of Westerns. [Read more…]

Number 13 (M. R. James)

Pete n Dud “The Psychiatrist”

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